He refused to stop living
By Erin Schultz and Anastasia Hassell

Three weeks before his death, Southold resident Robert Brian Conneely became a Franciscan brother. He continued to participate in 5K races up through last summer, even if he had to walk with leg braces.

After his last brain cancer surgery in late 2007, he fulfilled his lifelong goal to travel to Ireland.

Mr. Conneely, 56, always had big dreams, many of which he saw through until the end.   "Everything he set his mind to, he did," said his daughter, Megan.
Though he had planned to visit Ireland again in 2012 -- to watch his beloved Notre Dame football team play Navy -- Mr. Conneely died Friday morning at John J. Foley Skilled Nursing Facility in Yaphank after a 25-year battle with brain cancer.

He was one of the longest-living survivors of the tumor known as anaplastic astrocytoma grade 3, which is usually fatal within 18 months.
The father of three was diagnosed in 1984, after months of treatment for a pinched nerve (a misdiagnosis) and a week after the birth of his third son, Matt. His wife told The Suffolk Times in 1999 about her approach in dealing with the disease.

"Let's live like he's going to live, not like he's going to die." Ms. Conneely said.
And live he did.  For years, Mr. Conneely went through different procedures to control his cancer: craniotomies, implanted radium seeds and chemotherapy. But early on, he discovered a more effective way to control the disease.

He ran.

With his wife, he founded Minds Over Matter, a charity for runners, in the mid-1990s, and raised thousands of dollars for leukemia, lymphoma and brain cancer research. The couple ran side by side for the charity in the Dublin Marathon and the New York City Marathon in the early 2000s.

Ms. Conneely and her children, Brian, 30, of Manhattan, Megan Mooney, 28, of Long Beach, and 25-year-old Matt, also of Long Beach, plan to participate this Mother's Day in the annual Minds Over Matter 5K in Sag Harbor. The event will honor a man who told The Suffolk Times in 1999 that his battle with cancer taught him to "never sweat the small stuff."

"There are good days and better days. Every day is a good day," he told The Suffolk Times.  Born Oct. 25, 1952, in Brooklyn to James and Doris (McCarthy) Conneely, Mr. Conneely graduated from Monsignor McClancy High School in 1970. On July 2, 1977, he married Sheila Dennehy in Fairfield, Conn., and the couple moved to Southold in 1984.

Mr. Conneely worked for the New York and New Jersey Port Authority as a police officer from 1974 to 1985 and played the snare drum for the Port Authority pipe band. Though the rigorous regimen of cancer treatment forced him to retire from the Port Authority, following that Mr. Conneely worked as a bayman, a probation officer and a social studies teacher at Southold High School.

Over the years, the tumor and the many treatments for it eventually left Mr. Conneely with limited speech and mobility. But he continued swimming, fishing, and watching the Mets, Jets and Notre Dame football.

Mr. Conneely never missed a football game at Southold High School while his son, Matt, was a defensive end for the Porters.  "He fought to stay alive to see [his children] fully grown and successful," Matt Conneely said. "He never gave up."
After Matt graduated from high school in 2002, Mr. Conneely moved to a nursing home. During his last days, he led groups in daily prayer and rosary sessions, something he had done as a parishioner of St. Patrick R.C. Church in Southold.
Brian Conneely said the prayer sessions boosted morale at the nursing home.
"He taught people that you can still find faith and be happy no matter what situation you're in," he said. 

Matt Conneely said he is writing a book about the life of his father, a man with an extraordinary spirit who truly focused on how he was living -- not on how he was dying. He'll also take that trip back to Ireland that his father had planned for 2012.  "I promised him that we will go," Matt Conneely said. "And he will be with us in spirit when we do."

Mr. Conneely is also survived by his sister, Patricia Hein of New Jersey, and his son-in-law, Kiernan Mooney of Long Beach.

Visitation took place over the weekend at DeFriest-Grattan Funeral Home in Mattituck. A funeral Mass was celebrated by Father George Michell, with assistance from the Ministry of Consolation, Feb. 2 at St. Patrick R.C. Church in Southold. Interment was at the church cemetery.

Memorial donations may be directed to Minds Over Matter, c/o JL Kosinski Foundation, 318 Roanoke Ave., Riverhead, NY 11901.
eschultz@timesreview.com

© 2009 Times-Review Newspapers